One of my good friends lately has been dealing with a certain situation, to which her boyfriend then came to me to talk about…he is my friend as well. There’s a guy whom she’s working with in a project who is very nice to her. She just has this constant mindset that her boyfriend is a complete jerk to her, does nothing for her, and doesn’t even care about her. I have to say, he can be incredibly stupid and childish sometimes, but saying he doesn’t care about her? No way. He isn’t the type to express his emotions that much and he’s not good with words either. They fight and she gets mad at him pretty often; I’ve been so lucky to get caught as a messenger in between for so many occasions I can’t even count.
The primary issue with them is that when they do argue and fight, they never solve it. Ever. They rant and complain for an hour or two, then it passes, as if it never happened, and the argument gets added onto what I (nerdily) call their general ledger. Their issues just pile up and never get solved. They seem to have the inability to sit down and talk things out seriously. It doesn’t help that I honestly feel her boyfriend has come to the point where he just goes with whatever she wants, so that she sort of just takes everything for granted…on the other hand, he sometimes is such a kid I just want to shout at him to take a seat and stop acting like a high schooler. The idiot has done things that have caused her to lose trust in him, and hence one of the reasons why she gets jealous easily before proceeding to get mad.
Somehow though, they just fit together. I honestly cannot see either of them with anyone else. Partly because I don’t know who else could put up with either one of them for such a long time *gets bricked* They can be equally frustrating.
Bringing it back to this new guy, who is oh-so-nice with her; she begins comparing him constantly to her boyfriend inside her mind, analyzing everything he does and thinking about breaking up. I would say it’s almost as if she’s just adamant on making her boyfriend into the world’s worst boyfriend; childish, doesn’t care about her, with terrible attitude. SOOOO yesterday, I was informed by her boyfriend that the guy confessed to her. I’d just like to mention this guy is fully aware she has a boyfriend that she has been dating for almost four years. Also, his last two girlfriends…had boyfriends as well. In other words, he seems to have a thing for stealing people’s girlfriends.
So that’s what I had been dealing with yesterday night (leading to me sleeping even less than my usual five hours…) and today (all the while at work!) The funny thing is, her boyfriend doesn’t even blame her, and he just wants her to realize she’s leaning toward that guy because of the fresh feeling of receiving attention and interest while she has gotten rather sick of him. It frustrates me to no end to see what her boyfriend went through when something similar like this happened with some girl two years ago, versus this situation now. He was wrong, obviously, though I understood why it happened, and of course he had to fix everything up and apologize a couple thousand times. This time around though…this is happened to HER now, yet all the fault seems to fall on her boyfriend??? Is she not in the wrong too??? I just feel bad for him at this point in time. They never seem to really think through the other’s perspective. They don’t self-reflect. In this case, she names all these changes she’d like him to make, yet, has she ever thought of what he would like in a girlfriend?
I understand it’s extremely difficult to make a completely balanced relationship where each party gives 50/50, but it shouldn’t be like this. One party shouldn’t be giving their all while the other stays idle and expects all desires and wants to be accomplished. I’ve gone through shit in my past relationship and I know myself, wasn’t best at how I handled it, but I acknowledged that. I self-reflected and really did think a lot, and learnt from what I went through. The issue with so many people is that they DON’T self-reflect. They just roll through life, rambling without a single thought of what’s to be gained from their experiences. I don’t even understand how some people can repeatedly make the same mistake again, again, and again. If we saw it physically, it would literally just be a person running headlong into a closed door, falling down, getting up, and running to the door headlong again. Repeat cycle, without ever stopping just to think; what should I do different next time so that I don’t have to go through the same problem and avoid the pain?
Sometimes I really want to just NOT care, drop it and let them deal with it on their own.
Because fuck, I have enough on my own plate.